I am facing my fears head on

After several failed relationships, it’s fair to say that I have some major commitment issues. I was dumped by a previous boyfriend because he decided that dating me was taking too much time away from spending time with his friends. The relationship before that ended in a restraining order after he threw me into a wall and threatened me with a knife. Before that, my husband liked to punch me in my sleep and then deny it ever happened. He blamed it on PTSD, I blame it on him being an asshole.

I’m dating a really wonderful guy now, who treats me well, but in the back of my mind, I still worry that it’s all going to fall apart.

And yet, I’m trying to be optimistic. We’re going apartment shopping today, with the obvious intention of moving in together. Living with someone else scares the hell out of me. It seems like it’s the first step before all hell breaks loose and the relationship implodes.

I hope I’m doing the right thing. I know he loves me, but will he continue to love me after having to love with someone who is slowly dying.

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