I am thankful for my cat

My cat is dying. I’ve known this since last October when I noticed he had lost a considerable amount of weight. I took him to the vet, and she advised me that he had end stage kidney disease and that he likely had only a few months to live. I ante up every month for really expensive cat food that is supposed to help his kidneys work better, and it seems to be working, because it’s September now & he’s still chugging along. I worry about him though, because I know his time is limited. He and I have spent fourteen years together, traveling all over the country and generally enjoying life.

The reason I am thankful for my cat though is that he keeps me alive. Dealing with chronic pain, and the associated chronic depression, there are many days I really just want to die. I can’t though, because then there would be no one to take care of my cat. I worry about what’s going to happen when he inevitably dies and I no longer have him to rely on. It’s a huge burden for a little cat to bear.

Today has been one of the bad days. I go through cycles of pain medications working for a while, and then they stop working for a while. I’m on a downward spiral right now, and I don’t know when it will end. Eventually, my body will decide that pain meds are a good thing, and allow me back into that realm of almost-normal. In the meantime, I feel like someone has taken a baseball bat to me and worked my entire body over quite thoroughly. Hopefully this will be a short trip into hell, and I can get back into just dealing with the headache.

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