I’m having a bit of a grumpy day

I generally try to stay positive when I can, but it’s very disheartening when I find out that some people whom I thought were friends were whining to each other that I whine too much about my medical conditions and health problems. I don’t see it as whining; I see it as sharing what I’m going through, and hoping that it either a) makes someone else feel better about what’s going wrong in their own life, b) have advise they can share that might help me, or c) like me enough to sympathize with what I’m going through. It’s frustrating because it makes me want to not share anything, except in direct text messages or phone calls with the people I know who actually do care.

So… stop reading if you don’t care. Really, I mean it. I’m going to talk about my health and medical issues.

I had my MRI done today. It was as quick and painless as I expected it to be. I’m not claustrophobic by any means, so I just laid very still and meditated for the half hour or so while she took images of my knee. After we finished, I asked how long it would be to get the results back, and she said my doctor should have them by Wednesday or Thursday. Then, I’ll know how badly my knee is torn up, and what the next step is to fix it.

I’m still terrified of surgery. I never really thought that I was scared of anything until I had to go through that series of epidural steroid injections in my spine and realized that I’m one of those freaks who can’t go unconscious when under general anaesthesia. I just get the fun of being paralyzed and wide awake and feeling everything that the doctor is doing. That’s when I realized I really, really don’t want to have surgery. Ever.

I’m so frustrated with people right now that I want to either throw something or cry. It didn’t help that when I got home, my darling cat had decided to climb the shelving in my room and systematically knock everything down that he could get to. I guess that means I’m frustrated with cats, too. Or at least one tubby tabby.

There is so much more I want to write about the thoughts swirling around in my head, but I think I need to let them percolate a bit more before I write them down. Or, they’ll end up only getting written in my private journal and not published for the masses to read. I’ll just say that I’m not happy with where I am in my life right now, and I know how I want to fix it, and the steps necessary to fix it, but that I have to do things in a certain order, and the timeline isn’t moving fast enough for me.

I’ll close this out with my “three good things” I’m supposed to think about each day

  1. I brought my sick coworker cold medicine to help him feel better
  2. I had a great conversation with my neighbor
  3. Even when he’s naughty, I have a fantastic cat who loves me and loves to snuggle with me

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Barbara Ribling
    Jan 07, 2014 @ 01:22:49

    Well the good news is that your Kitty, despite some bad behavior, must give you lots of love and laughs. It’s really too bad about your knee. I hope that something can be done to fix it. I hate medical problems. I have seldom been happy with any medical treatment and am afraid of surgery – expensive, involves pain and is not always helpful. You are too young to have this knee trouble and I am hoping for the best outcome but the truth is that you may always have some problems with your knee. Knee replacement might be successful and if it comes to that, that might be the best hope for getting back to near normal. I have knee problems, have had for many years but I have never had surgery. No doctor ever recommended it. I have no insurance to cover it and at my age, I doubt that much could be done anyway. You do have family, friends and a furry friend to comfort you and those are the best things in your life so enjoy the comfort and indulge yourself when you can so that at least you can have some love and comfort and sympathy. I hope that you will receive some good news in a few days. Love you Jess!


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