I’ve been arguing with myself for most of the evening as to whether or not I was going to write tonight. I hate the fact that Robin Williams is trending right now. As anyone who has read my blog before knows, I have major depressive disorder. I am depressed. It’s not in my head, and it’s not something I can just smile and think happy thoughts to make it go away. Some days are better than others. There are still days when I actively think about killing myself because it feels like it’s the only solution to make the pain go away. I’ve tried before, and thankfully I’ve failed. I’ve never been so proud to be a failure at something. Depression is an insidious liar. It whispers in your ears that you’re worthless and unlovable, that nothing you do will ever be good enough, that it was a mistake that you were ever born.

I grew up watching Robin Williams, and in 1995 I was lucky enough to meet him on one of my many trips to San Francisco. I would never have thought that he had depression, just as most people tell me that they would never think that I have it. We put up walls. We hide who we are. We laugh off things that are slowly killing us inside because we don’t want to show that pain to the world, and we shouldn’t have to do that. There ARE people who love you, and you are NOT worthless. Don’t listen to the voices that tell you otherwise. We lost one of the greatest comedians of all time today. Don’t let his death be in vain. Talk to someone if you’re feeling depressed. Call a friend. Hold a puppy or a kitten. Think of three good things. Maybe even just one good thing. If you look for the happiness each day, it does help. Remember that you’re not alone. Even when you’re by yourself, you’re not alone. There are anonymous hotlines to call. http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ is a great resource. Suicide is not the answer; it only leads to more questions. It hurts other people, maybe even people you’ve never met. It leaves a hole behind that no one else can quite fill.



1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. bribling
    Aug 12, 2014 @ 01:57:27

    I agree. I hope that this will encourage some people. I get sad but I am not “depressed” or suicidal and I can’t imagine how terrible it must be for people who suffer depressive disorders. Robin Williams made so many people laugh that it’s a shame we could not somehow have kept him laughing. He brought us so much laughter and will be greatly missed by many. It might help to remember his zany humor and watch “Tootsie” when we get sad. Thanks Robin!


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