I am covered in moss – not literally

If a rolling stone gathers no moss, I am covered in moss. I’ve spent the last 15 months doing a whole lotta nothing, and it sucks. My knee is worse now than it was when I originally hurt it in September 2012 and I don’t see any sign of it being repaired any time soon. Every day I faithfully check the mailbox to see if I’ve received a determination from the state, and every day the mailbox mocks me with its emptiness.

So, time to do something different. Waiting impatiently isn’t helping me at all, so I need to find some sort of action. I crochet a lot, and post items for sale on my etsy page, but I’m certainly never going to make a living at it. I can’t do any type of meaningful work because I’m on disability, so I can’t earn any income or they’ll look at it as worker’s comp fraud. That assumes I would even be able to do a real job, considering that I need to keep my knee iced and elevated at almost all times or it locks up and gets very painful.

I’ve frequently been told I’m a good writer. People have said that they enjoy my writing style and like reading my posts and short stories, so I’m going to attempt a book. The only thing that’s been stopping me is the starting. I have nothing else going on in my life, so why not spend those useless hours pouring forth my soul in word form and see what happens. Even if I never get published, at least I can say I wrote a book once. Who knows, maybe it will even be good?

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I’m taking control back

Over the past year or so, I’ve felt my life spin completely out of my control. Worker’s comp is a horrible thing to go through, because you’re so dependent on complete strangers to fix what’s wrong and they care more about the cost than about you. When I first injured my knee in September 2012, I knew that it was going to be a process to get it healed, but I never imagined that I’d still be fighting to get back to “normal” for this long.

I feel hopeless sometimes, because there is nothing I can do to speed up the bureaucratic system. Yes, I’m on WC disability, but that barely pays for my regular bills, even before I add in the cost of eating. Staying at home all day every day is a great way to slowly go insane. I seriously don’t understand how retired people do it. I’ve been steadily gaining weight since my injury, because I can’t do the simplest of exercises that might impact my knee.

I’m fed up with waiting to hear the determination on my appeal. Not knowing is stressing me out, big time. I need to keep my mind busy to stay sane. To that end, I’ve signed up to be a distributor for It Works! Global, selling body wraps and other products that help tighten, tone, and firm your body. I’ll admit that I was a skeptic when I first heard about these things, but then I kept seeing peoples’ results. I’m truly amazed at how much better I feel after one day. It’s not an instant solution, just like going to the gym isn’t an instant solution. You have to follow common sense and stay determined. Nothing is going to work for you if you don’t make other changes like eating healthier and drinking lots of water.

I’m not trying to make this post into an advertisement, and I’m not going to turn this blog into a commercial. I just wanted to share how I feel. I’m taking control of my life again. I’ve had some pretty serious mood swings lately because I hate this time of year. I’ve decided that I’m going to start working on improving me, and not waiting for things to improve on their own. I may be disabled now, but I’m not helpless. I’m still determined to get my life together and move back to my adopted hometown of Charlotte. It’s going to take a while, because I’m looking at several months of therapy after my knee does eventually get the surgery I need, but I’m writing down my dreams and goals, and I’m going to make it happen. Selling the It Works! products is going to help me get there financially, and I’ll finally get back to living the life I’m meant to have.

It’s also time to start working on my happiness project again. Lately I’ve been so busy being upset that I keep forgetting to remember all the good things I have in my life. Positive thinking creates positive action. I WILL hear from the state soon, and they WILL approve my surgery! Or, if not, then my doctors and I will try another direction. I’m not going to give up on myself. I deserve better.